Part 2: A Mom’s Thanksgiving

 Part 2: A Mom’s Thanksgiving 2020 

Our son, David, now 18, is working at Entegra in Indiana. My brothers family has opened their home to him and been so kind! Then, shortly after his arrival, dear friends of ours moved there and have been a huge blessing too. But what I want to do is share an obscure connection to show how God brings together the body of Christ. 

Many of you know that we have been in this community a loooong time. In fact, my parents have been in it even longer. 70 years roughly. Many of our friends and church family go way back with us, and when our son, David Clayton, started telling us about someone he met at Entegra that was a Christian and so on, I explained why I knew who he was talking about. 

Again, back up with me now at least 40 years. Growing up in Manchester and attending Manchester Community Church and Manchester Christian Academy, meant my world was pretty small for a long time. My dad taught math at South Kitsap High School, and several of his teacher friends and their families attended Manchester. There was also a family there whose dad was connected to the SK high school community via the Skill Center. They had 4 kids, and lived just a few blocks away from us in Manchester. When we moved to the farm, they also bought property connecting ours, and, in fact, the parents still live next door to us! Well, my older brother, Mark, was good friends with their son, Mark, who we called Corny because we could not use their middle names to distinguish since they were the same also. They are both Mark Edwards. Lol

So, growing up, our 2 families spent a lot of time together. Traveling with old car business stuff, gardening together, youth group. They have 2 daughters that were my age and another son who was the oldest of us all. I remember a couple bike rides to Beaver Creek and past Dead Man’s Corner (we named that location ourselves). 

We all grew up, of course, and moved away from each other, but Mark and Mark kept in touch, both marrying and having kids. They both remained faithful Christians, and the other Mark became a pastor while my brother became an engineer and has had opportunities there. 

So, when David excitedly told be about Alex Walker, who was also working for my brother’s company, Entegra, I knew just who he was. He is the husband of Mark Kerman’s oldest daughter! In fact, when they were newly weds, they’d come down from Kodiak, Alaska and visited our church one Sunday. David and I were able to take them out for dinner, and soon they were renting an apartment from my in-laws for awhile. They relocated a couple times and a couple years ago, Alex was hired on at Entegra. When Alex met David, he recalled other Eddy’s he’d met in Washington and our church and everything. Our son was so encouraged to meet this man, and it thrilled my heart to see how his face lit up about him! What a testimony for this other guy! It has been quite a change for David to be so far away, but he is doing well and has Christians around him to help him grow. What a blessing in these times when so many things are shut down. 

I am so thankful for my small world. It really isn’t small after all, is it? God has enlarged our family so much over the years and woven contacts/friends we’ve made over the the years into our kid’s lives. I’m so thankful every time someone encourages my kids! I believe it makes a huge difference in the lives of our children whenever someone gives them a chance. Invests in them and holds them to their beliefs. 

Because my parents were friends through “thick and thin” with another family, their grandson has a  Christian friend, born and raised in Alaska, relocated to Indiana, working in the same company. Thank you to my parents. Thankyou to our neighbors, Bruce and Lynne Kernan, for raising your kids in our church who went on to live in Alaska and pastor there where their oldest daughter met and married a man who loves God and now lives in Indiana and is pleased to reach out to our son, David. 

When I quit the Ministry

When I quit the Ministry

(Updated: Please note that I wrote this about 3 years ago and do not feel this way at present. What happened is... I chickened out from posting it. Haha

So, here goes... now that I’ve had some distance from the situation and can further attest to the truth that our emotions need not rule us. Keep walking...)

About a month ago I quit. I was out walking with my pastor husband and we were both discouraged over many things. Not just things related to the ministry but that was certainly part of it.

 I was really struggling with feelings of inadequacy (a week later at a pastor/wife retreat I heard the statistic that 84% of pastor’s wives feel inadequate), I wasn't sleeping due to anxiety over these things and really allowing fears and worry to settle in at night when my mind could get carried away. Inadequate as a mother, friend, pastor's wife. So, I quit. For about 40 minutes, while walking with my husband, I was free from the life I had always known. 

Then, he sent me to my room because I had to prepare a baby shower. 

I was so tired. Tired of the rigorous schedule of Cantata, Easter, Missions conference, and more all piled into one month. I have a lot of kids left that I'm trying to home educate, and I have grown kids that I miss so much and then there is the truth: I'm not equip to even be a pastor’s wife! I have not gone to Bible school. I was working while David was in seminary, and we had three babies during that time. I can't quote verses easily to others after every paragraph they speak. I forget to pray every time someone talks to me. I get my theological terms mixed up. My older kids are  beyond me in doctrinal conversation by the time they are 12. Seriously, they get to talking with David in the living room and someone has to go get dinner started. I tend to run on practicalities. Hey, it’s what gets us to church multiple times a week. 

Lack of sleep does mess with you, but I needed the time in the Word preparing for that shower. I needed to study and bring it to some sort of conclusion even though my feelings were  DRY and NUMB at present. I felt guilty presenting the message because I was so discouraged as a Christian right then.  But in the back of my head, I knew I needed to keep walking. 

While being a pastor's wife isn't an elevated position by any means, there are some things about it that some may not realize. With my family in church, I have to have some focus on “sermon outcome” and it is difficult to make friends because they might leave you. Now, a true friend will say they are still your friend and that is very true! However, it still leaves you with no one you can talk to because they might only be at your church for a little while.

I am afraid it was bad enough to be noticed. I've said some snarky things in the last 8 weeks. (Only in the last 8weeks?;) I did unload on my mom a bit and sent a few panicked private messages to a friend. Several older ladies came and talked to me after church and lovingly encouraged me to keep on- and they didn't pry. Just encouraged. We are in a very forgiving and loving church body. I know that most of the discouragement I felt was from the enemy and Each day tried to put one foot in front of the other. 

I am going to keep walking. Just one foot in front of the other. I didn't feel like going to church and facing those people. They are going through hard times right now too. Worse than my feelings of inadequacy and dullness. Cancer, loss, pain. How can I even feel this way when others have so much going on. Who can even relate? My friends who are pastor's wives are too busy. I don't even know who my friends are. Actually David and I both have trouble making friends. I know that God is enough.

So, I kept walking. Kept doing the next thing- usually getting ready for church. After a few weeks, God gave me some sleep. We did try to continue eating right and doing the next thing that was right and then I began to feel a little better. I saw God’s faithfulness. The things I taught at the shower were coming true. And I feel closer to God again. 

1 Thes. 5:8-11But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation. For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, that whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with Him.

Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.

A Mom’s Thanksgiving: Part 1

I want to share some things unfolding in our family over the last year. I’ve just really been moved by God’s hand in things.

Recently, Max (now 20 and 6’4” tall) moved into an apartment connected to his grandparents house because Grandpa Eddy is having health difficulty after a stroke and needs lifting etc. (When we were newly weds, we lived in the one above it.) 

First we must back up 18 months from now. Max was really hoping to play football for South Kitsap High School. He had dreamed of playing football all his growing up years. We have not done much in the way of organized sports because of several reasons. One was definitely financial and another was concern about conflicting schedules with church which, as you know, we have to be totally committed to. But Max was simply a born athlete, and I mean born. He rolled over on his first hour after birth! He always managed to learn sports, play sports, love sports and after 18 years of diligently doing the other things we wanted him skilled at, and showing himself to be a committed Christian, David and I both felt the Lord lay it on our hearts to look into him playing at South. He would be able to play one season (which meant 1 year for him since he dove right in and started working out with the team etc). What good was one year going to do? He was pursuing a BA in Mathematics and not intending to play in college, though hoping to help coach in the community. But he was excited and down at the weight room whenever he could. He had a great friend there that had been in foot ball some time and, in fact, was our other pastor’s son! His family was very helpful getting Max involved and set up. Manchester had 2 pk’s (pastor’s kids) on the high school team that year. We enjoyed going to most of the games and the camaraderie of it all. And then the season was over. Max continued to work out with the guys until Covid shut everything down. If we had waited a year, he would have been too old and there was no season this year due to the lockdown.

Fast forward to the here and now. Grandpa Eddy had a stroke in August and it took a couple months before he could get back home. Once home, however, unless they hired an extra person pretty much full time, which would be very costly, Grandma couldn’t help him on her own, and while we are willingly to come whenever needed, it made sense to have Max move over there so he could help at all hours of the night etc. While it was in our thoughts only, Max offered. He has learned to use the lift which takes  time and lots of scooching ( that’s the only word I can think of) so he asked if he could just carry Grandpa from point A to point B. Last week when the Physical Therapist was there, he watched Max do it and said that his lifting posture was correct and that he was certainly strong enough.

 Immediately things became clear to me. We don’t always see why God is directing a certain way, but sometimes we do. All that weight lifting with coaches etc. allowed Max to be able to serve his grandparents. He is continuing online school full time and is in his senior year of his bachelors of Mathematics. (Thrilling to the other grandpa who taught high school math as a career! ) 

I am so thankful that God has things figured out ahead of time. We really can trust Him to lead us. He has our very best interests in mind! This year has thrown some very hard things our way, too, but He has been faithful and will be faithful. We have also had many opportunities to extend grace and receive grace from the Lord and each other (our family and church family). I hope to add several more parts to this Thanksgiving post and pray that it is a blessing to you and helps you to make connections of God working.